Oct 4, 2011 Uncategorized
I write for me. Not for the world. I write to express my feelings to release them from my soul.
Some people don’t know how to constructively do so. Some people cut themselves, take excess amounts of prescription medicine, etc. I write. I play music. I am more than my feelings.
So, to anyone reading this, please take it with a grain of salt.
I am so overwhelmed. It feels like I am being stretched in every which direction. I have no idea what I’m doing. my apathy mode switches on and I just roll through the motions.
I put on a front. A fake smile for all I meet. I feel so empty inside. I am so afraid of the future, i think it’s because I have never been there before.
I am so afraid that I am not enough.
NO. I’m not afraid of that. I already feel as if I am not.
These feelings of inadequacy have completely taken over, no matter how hard or long I have spent praying on my knees.
I’m trying. Please know that i am trying really hard to make sure that I make everyone happy and pleased.
What’s killing me the most right now though is that I try so hard to put other’s feelings first. and I do! but i really don’t think people notice.
I hide almost every feeling that I feel. I don’t want to bring others down with me. I try to be sympathetic. I try to always put my thoughts and feelings on the back burner. No-onw acknowledges that. They all think I am just being selfish somehow and want more.
I can only give so much.
I am emotionally exhausted. I just need to regenerate… finding time for that though will be a rare commodity.